TruthSeeker
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- Joined
- Mar 27, 2011
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Here is how the "kill Osama Bin Laden" planning meeting really transpired:
The Setting
Seated at a rectangular table in the White House "situation room" are:
President Barack Obama
CIA Director Leon Panetta
Attorney General Eric Holder
Secretary Of State Hillary Clinton
Secretary Of Defense Robert Gates
Vice President Joe Biden
General David Petraeus
U.S. Navy Seal Team 6 Commander “Sherman Halftrack” (an alias)
Obama: "This better……. be important. I've got…..a basketball…..shoot- around…..and a round…..of golf…..scheduled for…..today."
Panetta: "Mr. President, it has come to my attention, as CIA Director, that my CIA operatives in Afghanistan and Pakistan have discovered the exact location of Osama Bin Laden’s hideout. It is located deep inside Pakistan."
Holder: "Wait a minute, Leon. How was this information acquired by your agency?"
Panetta: "Well, the CIA used enhanced interrogation techniques on some of the prisoners at Gitmo, and cell phone conversations were intercepted."
Biden: "You mean Gitmo is still open?"
(Everybody ignores Biden's question)
Hillary: "Well, if we know where Bin Laden is, do we have the jurisdiction to arrest him and bring him back to the United States for trial?"
Petraeus: “The military is not concerned with arresting Bin Laden. We are interested in capturing him, dead or alive.”
Gates: “I concur with General Petraeus, but I also agree with Secretary Clinton’s point of view.”
Obama: “Well……if we know…… where Bin Laden is…..it would help……my poll numbers…….if I can take…….full credit……for capturing……or killing…..Osama Bin Laden.”
Biden: “So when is lunch? I’m starved!”
(Everybody ignores Biden)
Holder: “This whole situation will simply not work. I’m in the midst of pursuing federal criminal charges against several members of the CIA, for their complicity in the rendition/torture of captured Muslim freedom fighters imprisoned at Gitmo. Then there is the question of the legality of the eavesdropping on these cell phone conversations.”
Halftrack: “I’ll lead Seal Team 6 into that SOB’s compound, and we’ll rip his head off and piss down his throat. We’ll be in and out of there before Bin Laden has a chance to take his monthly bath. Just say the word!”
(Everybody in the room is aghast at Halftrack’s comments, except for Petraeus, who snickers)
Clinton: “Has our government filed criminal charges against Osama Bin Laden? If not, I don‘t believe that we can legally arrest him and bring him to trial, unless a grand jury has indicted him. My husband explained this to me back in the 90s.”
Obama: “Well…..this can be……a great political…… opportunity……or a disaster. I don’t know……what to do……about this.”
Panetta: “Mr. President, this is a win-win situation, no matter what happens. If you kill Bin Laden, you know our lapdogs in the news media will put you on a pedestal and play this like you are the most courageous and decisive Commander-In-Chief since FDR. If the mission fails, we can just blame it on George W. Bush.”
Holder: “I am beginning to like this whole idea of the U.S. going into a sovereign country and killing people. This would definitely set a precedent that I can use as a solid argument against the state of Arizona and other border states who are trying to enforce U.S. immigration laws. I can play the “hypocrite” angle in my lawsuit against the state of Arizona.”
Gates: “General Petraeus, you need to put together a plan of attack ASAP, and submit it to President Obama. If the President likes your plan, I will obviously concur.”
Clinton: “Well, if the end game is to kill Osama Bin Laden, we will need to recover the body, and fully comply with the Muslim burial rites and traditions, whatever those are. We don’t want to make the followers of Osama Bin Laden mad at us.”
Biden: “Let’s do this thing on Cinco De Mayo. Then we can celebrate Bin Laden’s death by hanging up some candy-filled piñatas and wacking at them with a baseball bat!”
(Once again, everybody ignores Biden)
Obama: “I agree…..with you…… Secretary Clinton. We must not …..offend……anybody in…..the Arab……world.”
Halftrack: “We’ll kill the S.O.B., fly his carcass out of his compound and give him a burial by rolling him out of the helicopter over the Arabian Sea. How’s that?”
(Once again, everybody in the room is aghast at Halftrack’s comments)
Panetta: “Mr. President, in order to maximize the political benefit of killing Bin Laden, a precision bombing strike won’t suffice. We need proof of death, so we’ll need to do a black ops mission into Bin Laden’s compound, kill him, recover his body, and bury him ASAP. That’s why I asked the commander of Navy Seal Team 6 to attend this meeting.”
Clinton: “Well, I don’t like this plan at all. Murdering a suspected criminal is against everything this country stands for. That’s what my husband told me many years ago.”
Obama: “OK, General Petraeus…..and…….Commander Halftrack…..you two….. put this plan…..together….. and I’ll sign off…..on it. I’ve got…..several rounds…..of golf…….scheduled over…..the next…..several days……so…….try to......keep me…….posted.
Panetta: "Mr. President, I would recommend that your staff put together a "Bin Laden is dead" barnstorming tour, to fully maximize the emotional impact Bin Laden's death will have on the families of the victims of 9/11 and the nation as a whole."
Obama: "Absolutely, Mr. Panetta. I need......to play this.....up.....and get people.......to stop worrying........about the economy.......and inflation......and the national debt........and losing their homes......and all that.....stuff."
Biden: “Can we eat lunch now?”
The Setting
Seated at a rectangular table in the White House "situation room" are:
President Barack Obama
CIA Director Leon Panetta
Attorney General Eric Holder
Secretary Of State Hillary Clinton
Secretary Of Defense Robert Gates
Vice President Joe Biden
General David Petraeus
U.S. Navy Seal Team 6 Commander “Sherman Halftrack” (an alias)
Obama: "This better……. be important. I've got…..a basketball…..shoot- around…..and a round…..of golf…..scheduled for…..today."
Panetta: "Mr. President, it has come to my attention, as CIA Director, that my CIA operatives in Afghanistan and Pakistan have discovered the exact location of Osama Bin Laden’s hideout. It is located deep inside Pakistan."
Holder: "Wait a minute, Leon. How was this information acquired by your agency?"
Panetta: "Well, the CIA used enhanced interrogation techniques on some of the prisoners at Gitmo, and cell phone conversations were intercepted."
Biden: "You mean Gitmo is still open?"
(Everybody ignores Biden's question)
Hillary: "Well, if we know where Bin Laden is, do we have the jurisdiction to arrest him and bring him back to the United States for trial?"
Petraeus: “The military is not concerned with arresting Bin Laden. We are interested in capturing him, dead or alive.”
Gates: “I concur with General Petraeus, but I also agree with Secretary Clinton’s point of view.”
Obama: “Well……if we know…… where Bin Laden is…..it would help……my poll numbers…….if I can take…….full credit……for capturing……or killing…..Osama Bin Laden.”
Biden: “So when is lunch? I’m starved!”
(Everybody ignores Biden)
Holder: “This whole situation will simply not work. I’m in the midst of pursuing federal criminal charges against several members of the CIA, for their complicity in the rendition/torture of captured Muslim freedom fighters imprisoned at Gitmo. Then there is the question of the legality of the eavesdropping on these cell phone conversations.”
Halftrack: “I’ll lead Seal Team 6 into that SOB’s compound, and we’ll rip his head off and piss down his throat. We’ll be in and out of there before Bin Laden has a chance to take his monthly bath. Just say the word!”
(Everybody in the room is aghast at Halftrack’s comments, except for Petraeus, who snickers)
Clinton: “Has our government filed criminal charges against Osama Bin Laden? If not, I don‘t believe that we can legally arrest him and bring him to trial, unless a grand jury has indicted him. My husband explained this to me back in the 90s.”
Obama: “Well…..this can be……a great political…… opportunity……or a disaster. I don’t know……what to do……about this.”
Panetta: “Mr. President, this is a win-win situation, no matter what happens. If you kill Bin Laden, you know our lapdogs in the news media will put you on a pedestal and play this like you are the most courageous and decisive Commander-In-Chief since FDR. If the mission fails, we can just blame it on George W. Bush.”
Holder: “I am beginning to like this whole idea of the U.S. going into a sovereign country and killing people. This would definitely set a precedent that I can use as a solid argument against the state of Arizona and other border states who are trying to enforce U.S. immigration laws. I can play the “hypocrite” angle in my lawsuit against the state of Arizona.”
Gates: “General Petraeus, you need to put together a plan of attack ASAP, and submit it to President Obama. If the President likes your plan, I will obviously concur.”
Clinton: “Well, if the end game is to kill Osama Bin Laden, we will need to recover the body, and fully comply with the Muslim burial rites and traditions, whatever those are. We don’t want to make the followers of Osama Bin Laden mad at us.”
Biden: “Let’s do this thing on Cinco De Mayo. Then we can celebrate Bin Laden’s death by hanging up some candy-filled piñatas and wacking at them with a baseball bat!”
(Once again, everybody ignores Biden)
Obama: “I agree…..with you…… Secretary Clinton. We must not …..offend……anybody in…..the Arab……world.”
Halftrack: “We’ll kill the S.O.B., fly his carcass out of his compound and give him a burial by rolling him out of the helicopter over the Arabian Sea. How’s that?”
(Once again, everybody in the room is aghast at Halftrack’s comments)
Panetta: “Mr. President, in order to maximize the political benefit of killing Bin Laden, a precision bombing strike won’t suffice. We need proof of death, so we’ll need to do a black ops mission into Bin Laden’s compound, kill him, recover his body, and bury him ASAP. That’s why I asked the commander of Navy Seal Team 6 to attend this meeting.”
Clinton: “Well, I don’t like this plan at all. Murdering a suspected criminal is against everything this country stands for. That’s what my husband told me many years ago.”
Obama: “OK, General Petraeus…..and…….Commander Halftrack…..you two….. put this plan…..together….. and I’ll sign off…..on it. I’ve got…..several rounds…..of golf…….scheduled over…..the next…..several days……so…….try to......keep me…….posted.
Panetta: "Mr. President, I would recommend that your staff put together a "Bin Laden is dead" barnstorming tour, to fully maximize the emotional impact Bin Laden's death will have on the families of the victims of 9/11 and the nation as a whole."
Obama: "Absolutely, Mr. Panetta. I need......to play this.....up.....and get people.......to stop worrying........about the economy.......and inflation......and the national debt........and losing their homes......and all that.....stuff."
Biden: “Can we eat lunch now?”