Well Steve lets compare
Republicans love wars. They like nothing better than to start a good fight by deploying American Imperialist Storm Troopers (made up of the poor) across the world, when they’re not busy beating-up hippies or queers (their not very PC either). Crushing the heads of other peoples’ children is a joyous pastime for these evil warmongers. This is why America is hated around the world
Democrats despise war, that’s why they cut the military every chance they get. No military, no war. They hate war so much that for almost the last 100 years they’ve started every major conflict outside of the current ones. WWI, WWII, Korea and Vietnam resulted in the deaths of millions of people, but they’re really sorry about that. Nuking Japan, killing and maiming countless thousands of civilians was best for the Japanese and Democrats always know what’s best. This is why Democrats are loved around the world.
Republicans maintain that you can pry their guns out of their cold, dead hands. Democrats would find that that acceptable except they’re afraid to touch them. Guns like SUVs are completely unstable. They’re capable of irrational fits of rage and could kill at any moment. Only liberals like John Kerry, who participated in atrocities in Viet Nam or Joe Biden, who owns two shotguns -and isn’t afraid to use them on his running mate- can safely handle these monsters.
Republicans like John McCain, seem to favor Cap and Trade while the Democrats are only interested in Cap. So there’s little difference between them. Either way, after the necessary Federal Reserve breaking, Wall Street Rescue, we’ll all be reduced to eating out of garbage cans, under a blistering sun, while wild, rabid dogs gnaw on the elderly in a Mad Max inspired world. That’s fine with me because I look good in black leather and football shoulder pads.
Man Made Global warming is a fact because our leaders said so and they wouldn’t lie to us. Wait a second…
The Republican Plan is that only the wealthy would ever see a doctor. If you can’t pay up front or don’t have way too expensive health insurance, you’d better learn to become a selfish, back-stabbing, rich SOB by applying yourself and grabbing at those bootstraps. If you won’t help yourself then don’t try to go wait in some welfare system hospital line, there won’t be any. The wealthy don’t wait in lines.
Democrats take a different view. You’re going to have to wait in line no matter who you are. You’re going to be waiting so long in fact, that either you’ll get better there or you’ll die. Either way, problem solved and it’ll only cost you half of your paycheck in taxes for that fabulous, free, universal health care -if you’re lucky enough to have a job…that’s most likely provided by the government.
*An interesting side note is that Joe Biden -who single handedly eliminated poverty by declaring almost all Americans as middle class- has attempted to heal a wheelchair bound man. Faith Healers are being sought from around the country and will be given status as doctors under Obama’s Hope for Change health care plan..
Republicans love healthy babies. They nurture and protect them from conception until they’re old enough to die in Iraq. Those that don’t appear to be thriving are eaten in secret, ritualistic feeding orgies after being sacrificed to the gods of capitalism -unless they can be trotted out for political gain. All wealthy Republicans eat some of their young, Texas style, with BBQ sauce.
Democrats hate all babies. They don’t even know when one becomes a human being (it’s above their pay grade) so abortion becomes contraception. Most Democrats don’t use condoms because they can’t breath with them over their heads. They generally don’t want the burden of a child, only the pleasure of the disease filled hook-up. But if a child does slip by some how and becomes a human, no matter how heinous the crime it may commit, it must be sent to rehab or maintained in a zoo like setting to watch TV and receive free college and health care benefits.
I think that about covers it. We’ve seen where they stand today but what about the future? It really all comes down to the brand of socialism you prefer. If you ask nicely, one of these two parties might actually kiss you first.
If this extremely lame account was helpful and you now feel like you can make an informed choice...raise your hand.
You know I can’t see you right? So if any of you raised your hand, you’re an idiot. Just go with whatever party finds you first. Maybe that way we can spread the stupid vote out evenly.
all in fun
doug
