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You could always go the socialism route where government pays for it.

Cuban ambulance barrow.

People tend to not get instantly sick from well.  Now of course if you fall off a ladder, you are not going to shop around in the Ambulance.   Nevertheless you are mocking a system that's actually in place in another country.   So you look pretty stupid right now, since it seems to be working well enough there.  If only I could remember where 'there' is...