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Welsh, Scots and others from GB

Discussion in 'House of Politics Lounge' started by The Scotsman, Feb 21, 2017.

  1. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    A Welshman buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

    The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.

    The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself. So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

    Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

    Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. Try again.' he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon
    returning home, falls knackered into bed.

    The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

    'No,' she says, 'they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn.'

    Yeah it is odd isn't it. Would love to know what buttons were pressed to get this outcome....
     
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  2. Pandora

    Pandora Well-Known Member

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    That was the best sheep story I have ever read :)
     
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  3. dogtowner

    dogtowner Moderator Staff Member

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    True. You could say it's part of great Britain though. Not unlike Scotland in that manner.
     
  4. dogtowner

    dogtowner Moderator Staff Member

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    Jimmy Carr has a joke about welsh, says it had to be invented by a dad terrible at Scrabble.
    Dad puts his word out.
    Son 'dad, that's not a word'.
    Dad (in a welsh accent) 'it is too a word'.
    Son ' it can't be, it starts with three L's ! How do you pronounce it ?'
    Dad makes a sound like a cat expelling a fur ball.
    It's funnier when Jimmy says it.
     
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  5. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    Yeah but the English had to fight to get it!
     
  6. Pandora

    Pandora Well-Known Member

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    Are you Scottish or English ? Or both?
     
  7. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    I'm a Scot my dear lady!! My wife's English but I don't hold that against her....
     
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  8. Pandora

    Pandora Well-Known Member

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    Do you live in England ? I always thought you did

    I like Scotland better. At least from the pictures I've seen and their accent is the bomb!!
     
  9. dogtowner

    dogtowner Moderator Staff Member

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    -- sharp intake of breath --
    The rule at least for fun is that the Scots, English and Irish despise one another. They've had their share of conflicts over the years. The Welsh are kind of the same but being the poor relation of the bunch makes it a lesser deal.
    It's said this is why the world's best power trio was doomed to a short career together.
    Ginger Baker Irish
    Hack Bruce Scott
    Eric Clapton English
    Cream born 1966 died 1968
     
  10. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    Yeah Rainham in Kent which is South East England on the coast (almost) - the county of Kent they call the garden of England. Its actually quite a nice place to live its rich in history with Canterbury just down the road and we have the City of Rochester with its Cathedral and the Norman Castle.
    Do you know I think the last time I was in Scotland was over 15 years ago! Jeez time flies.... It is nice especially the North West coast there are some really lovely little villages and the hiking is great, apart from the damned midgies!
     
  11. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    :) a healthy rivally I think is the diplomatic term.
    Ah bless them... they have some pretty strange ideas the Welsh, there is this morbid fixation about trying to make all the Welsh learn the Welsh language; its even taught in some schools! Those that don't speak the language are made to feel a bit like outcasts. I mean noboby outside of wales has a clue what they're saying - you need a pint of phlegm in your mouth just to be able to pronounce anything. My old man can speak a sort of Scots dialect called Doric Scots which he learnt when he was a kid I can only just get a gist of it but nobody nowadays has even heard of it.
     
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  12. Pandora

    Pandora Well-Known Member

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    I hope someday I can see it in more than pictures I don't think the average American sees much of the world and that's sad
     
  13. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]

    Welsh sheep farmers warned of identity theft......
     
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