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New Details on the US-Mexican Border wall Announced.........

Discussion in 'U.S. Politics' started by The Scotsman, Mar 2, 2017.

  1. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    Press Release
    Washington.
    1st March 2017

    In a joint press gaggle yesterday Whitehouse press spokesman Mr. Sean Spicer and National Rifle Association (NRA) spokesgal Nada C. Holes started to flesh out some details for the proposed US-Mexican Border wall. Following President Donald J. Trump’s recent confirmation in his speech to congress that the 2000-mile-long US-Mexican Border wall will go ahead as planned, Mr. Sean Spicer let slip some of the details being discussed. First Mr. Spicer hinted that the projected costs being discussed by fake journalists of $700 gazillion “were wildly inaccurate and that the costs would be considerably less because we have come up with a cunning plan”. When pressed on this Mr. Spicer confirmed that following extensive planning and testing by a team of highly talented structural engineers from the renowned Muckypups Pre-school and Kindergarten, it has been decided that the wall will be built of MegaBlocks. Mr. Spicer asserted that “this exceptional team has proved the durability and robustness of MegaBlocks as the idea material. Its cheap, easy to maintain and you can easily wipe off sticky finger prints”

    In further startling flashes of insight Mr. Spicer stated that a new command structure was to be created to oversee the operation and patrolling of the border, “There will be one overall command which will be an amalgamation of the US border Patrol and National Rifle Association (NRA) members. We are designating this as the Mexican Area Command (MAC) who will assume overall responsibility for the entire wall.” Spicer then confirmed that due to the numbers of Mexicans estimated to be eligible for expulsion each state would have a central processing area to oversee the chucking out of undesirables. “Under the oversight of MAC each state will have its own structure responsible for its specific zone and these we will designate as Command Headquarters for the Expedited Expulsion Zone (CHEEZ).

    At this point in the briefing Mr. Spicer introduced Ms. Holes who was stoked to confirm that “once the MAC and CHEEZ is finished our members will be invited to volunteer for patrol and guard duties alongside our massively overworked pals in the Border Patrol” Ms Holes announced that to assist in keeping the costs of the operation of the wall as low as possible “our NRA is proud to provide NRA volunteers who will join a new fully tool-up paramilitary organisation called Tactical Assistance and Combat Operations Support (TACOS). Mr. Spicer confirmed that President Trump was super chuffed at the prospect of MAC and CHEEZ with TACOS and that they would be delivered to the Whitehouse on time and not consume too much of the national budget.

    In further news yesterday 18 deaths and 35 injuries were recorded but Ms. Holes confirmed that none were the responsibility of TACOS non-fast food incidents

    #fakenews
     
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  2. Openmind

    Openmind Well-Known Member

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    So glad it's fake news. . .too bad it's so close to real news!
     
  3. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    Washington.
    8th March 2017

    In his daily press gaggle this morning Whitehouse Press Spokesman Mr. Sean Spicer had some upbeat news regarding the funding for the construction of the Mexico-US border wall, Spicer noted that “following the disinfection of the oval office couch over the weekend we can confirm that cleaners found $1.75 in change and a used condom under the cushions”. Mr. Spicer informed those present that budget planners at the Office of Management and Budget (OMB) have confirmed that this significant injection of funds could ease the pressure on scratching around for further funds however “there is still a significant challenge ahead”.

    Mr. Spicer confirmed that although the $1.75 was “great news and kicked financial ass” OMB staffers were finalising plans for a “minor reduction in the US Coast Guard’s $9.1 billion budget” Spicer confirmed that the planned budget cuts would involve the immediate withdrawal from service of all US Coast Guard patrol vessels stating “look we know there has to be savings but not at the risk of compromising lives or impeding the security of our coastline”. In a stunning revelation to the Press Mr. Spicer confirmed that a new generation of patrol craft had been secretly procured and were to enter service as soon as crew cross-training was complete. In elaborating on the announcement Spicer said “we are confident that this new generation of rubber dinghies supplied by Toy’s “R” Us will be no less effective, they have undergone hours of testing in swimming pools by specialists from the Muckypups Pre-School and Kindergarten”. Spicer stated that through the shrewd hardnosed business acumen of President Trump “with the bulk purchase of the dinghies we’ve achieved a significant discount with Toy’s “R” Us which will allow a 2018 Coast Guard budget of around $1,500 and that includes the foot pumps and puncture repair kits!”

    When this reporter asked about the used condom Mr. Spicer said “it’s been secured by specialists from the US Army Chemical Corps and we’ve asked Kellyanne to review security procedures when handling sensitive Presidential affairs”

    further money grubbing news
     
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  4. Openmind

    Openmind Well-Known Member

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    You are too funny! I love your sense of humour. . .and I love that it is bi-partisan!
     
  5. Walter

    Walter Administrator Staff Member

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    A message for Donald Trump from former Mexican President Vicente Fox:
     
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  6. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    its not official unless its sent by twitter...:)
     
  7. PLC1

    PLC1 Moderator Staff Member

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    I thought they were going to make it out of Legos, and leave a lot of them strewn around. When the barefoot Mexicans sneak across the border, their howling in pain will help the NRA to locate them. It's called the Sneaking Across Lego Sound Alarm (SALSA)
     
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  8. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    Sure.... why not...

    "And I'll give you an example: As horrible as it sounds, when they throw the large sacks of drugs over, and if you have people on the other side of the wall, you don't see them — they hit you on the head with 60 pounds of stuff? It's over," Trump continued. "As crazy as that sounds, you need transparency through that wall. But we have some incredible designs."
    Glass seems a good idea but costly....or some form see through plastic - saran wrap?

    "No, not joking, no," he said. "There is a chance that we can do a solar wall. We have major companies looking at that. Look, there's no better place for solar than the Mexico border — the southern border. And there is a very good chance we can do a solar wall, which would actually look good. But there is a very good chance we could do a solar wall."

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    ,ixqrpojcrjpergjkpergergewg...............................

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