Please Pray for my daughter Kelly..
We received some great news on Kelly this week, The biopsies were negative..
Thank you Lord.. Go back in three months.I was going to do this in a private message it wouldn't take it..
Shortly after we heard about my daughter Kelly’s cancer a couple years ago… I was reading about a sovereign and good God for people who were facing some very hard stuff, All of a sudden that topic was about me/my daughter. Now, I was not dealing with biblical truth propositions but with my own questions and my own fear for Kelly.
The reason I talk a lot about forgiveness, faithfulness and God’s love these day’s is because I so desperately need to be forgiven, so often want to run, and know that if God is the monster some say he is, I’m in serious trouble.
This time what I was reading was for me..
So the questions I asked myself were: Do I really believe what he says? Is God really a rich and generous God? Is everything under his sovereign care? Is he loving? And then very hesitantly, does he love me and mine?
You will be relieved to know that I ended up answering all of those questions with a “yes”…but not quickly. Sometimes I’m a hard case.
When my daughter Kelly got the news she had Melanoma, and we were told and from our research, at her stage it was serious (VERY) about 3-5 years, well, she was knocked over for a while, but remained very strong. That would not have been my response. I’m more of a “kick against the goads” guy. I would have started cussing and spitting. “Lord,” I would have said, “how could you do this to me? You don’t love me or you wouldn’t.” Then after telling everybody, I would have told them to leave me alone and had a pity party.
But eventually I would have gotten there and, in fact, did get there.. NOW, as I prepared to write this story. I really do know and believe that God is in control of it all. I really do know and believe that “all things work together for good.” I really do know and believe that God is good all the time. It just takes me a while. I eventually got there. Do you know why?
First, frankly, I didn’t have any other options. Job came to that realization and he was a “kicker against the goads” too. But finally after cussing and spitting, he said, “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted….I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you; therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes” (Job 42:2, 5-6). Or as the writer of Lamentations put it, “He has walled me about so that I cannot escape” (Lamentations 3:7).
All my life I had played the angles (I wasn’t sold out). At that moment in time, I didn’t have any more angles to play.” I would like to say I’m still walking with God because I’m so spiritual, so wise and so godly…but I’m not that crazy (that would be a lie). I’m here because I had very little choice. He fenced me in every time I thought I had found an out. He arranged circumstances in my life so that the circumstances didn’t leave me any wiggle room. He gradually and lovingly took away all the angles I wanted to play and I’ve gone too far to get out. It’s a “severe mercy” but in my better moments, I’m incredibly thankful that I had no place to go but him.
You know something else? Not only do I have no other options, I don’t want any other options. There is a story in John 6 when Jesus had said some hard things, and the crowd started leaving and looking for another teacher who would make them feel better? Jesus looked at his disciples and asked, “Are you leaving too?”
“Where are we going to go?” Peter said. “You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God” (John 6:68-69).
I’ve discovered that too. Who’s going to love Kelly the way he loves her? Who’s going to love me more? Who’s going to forgive me when nobody else will? Who’s going to let me “cuss and spit, and kick against the goads” and still never kick me out? Who’s going to allow me to ask questions and express doubts? Who else is going to walk with Kelly in the darkness, mix his tears with hers, and tell her that it’s going to be all right?
So I’m here and I’m not leaving.
There is one other thing that causes me to lean hard on the sovereignty and goodness of God. It’s the gift of telling others to “taste and see that God is good.” That’s called glorifying God and frankly, it’s insane I get to do that. ME..
Thru the internet, I started to communicate with people that trusted me with their stories. Gay’s, People who were living with the doctor’s not-so-good news about their health, men who were trying to be strong and couldn’t pull it off, and people who were afraid and lonely. Many stories of dark places and pain…
What’s with that? They were looking for me to say something true about a God who was in control when I was trying to deal with my own stuff. Then I read something by Henri Nouwen’s and it was a great comfort. “I am deeply convinced,” he wrote, “that the Christian’s of the future are called to be completely irrelevant (that’s me) and to stand in this world with nothing to offer but his or her own vulnerable self.” Again, that’s me.. Completely irrelevant, and vulnerable…
He also had this to say..
“Who you are and who you are not is uniquely designed to offer Christ’s life to the world. How you are gifted and how you are not gifted is designed for how you’re to make Christ known to the world. What you possess and what you do not possess is uniquely designed to make him known. What you can do and what you cannot do is his design to make himself known through you. You are uniquely designed to offer Christ, and it is your lack (what you are not, what you don’t possess, what you can’t do) that is the powerful part of the story. That’s the Gospel.” Is that great or what?
Thanks for your prayers
